Speaker: Dr. Harold J. Sala | Series: Guidelines For Living | The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised. Luke 4:18

If God should give you the complete answer to your question, “Why?”, chances are you still wouldn’t understand. To know that in your pain, your darkness, and your despair, He is there and He cares is better than knowing, “why He allowed something.” I couldn’t help thinking about this as I read two letters which happened to arrive on the same day. Both were from women who had been married exactly 26 years before philandering husbands walked away from their vows and their family for someone else.

One wrote, “We were married for 26 years and he came home one day and said he no longer loved me nor wanted to be married to me. I was truly surprised to learn that he had been having an affair. I had no idea.” Pouring out her grief and pain she adds, “I just cannot understand why this happened, why God allowed this. I know that God did not cause [this], but He allowed it? Why?”

In marriage seminars, I often ask, “How many people does it take for a marriage to fail?” Most people respond saying, “Two!” “No,” I reply, “just one.” No matter how much you love the other person, when one turns his back on his vows and says, “I want out!” a marriage is history, but–and this is a hard and fast rule–two people suffer, and two have to deal with guilt.

Obviously, the one who failed feels guilt. At times, it seems that the one who went wrong was the real winner. The friend who wrote said, “He just married the young lady he had the affair with and they have a new home and a wonderful life. Why isn’t he suffering? Why is he getting away without any pain?”

That’s the same feeling David had when he saw how the wicked prospered and seemed to get away with wrongdoing (see Psalm 37). Then he reminded himself that God doesn’t overturn the will of the person who chooses to do wrong, and though he appears to get away with wrong, God has His payday someday.

Yet the reality is that both feel guilt and pain. The one left behind, the one who wanted to make the marriage work often feels a load of undeserved guilt. She thinks, “If only I had kept myself as attractive as the other woman. If I had been thinner, a better cook, more attentive to his needs, less selfish.” The “if only” or “what if” scenes play out an ongoing dissonance of guilt that makes you suffer and provides no answer.

Another person with even more difficult challenges found refuge in God and took her grief to the Lord. She wrote, “It has been a rough time for me struggling with the collapse of my 26-year marriage, losing my job and not yet finding a new one, and most difficult of all, helping my three daughters cope with their pain. Please pray for my family and for me that I may come to know God’s will for us, to do what He wants me to do.”

In times of difficulty I have learned to fall upon Him who sent His Son to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised” (Luke 4:18). Psalm 147 says, “The LORD…heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

When you become a victim, you have three choices: denial, revenge, or running towards God with all your pain, your questions, and your grief. He’s the refuge that none can destroy. He still gives peace that no one can take away, and embraces us with compassion and healing that nothing can destroy.

Resource reading: Psalm 147.