Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. James 5:16a

 

We’ve all done it. When we realize we’ve messed up, we’re quick to spit out an “I’m sorry.”

 

What does it take for an apology to be effective in repairing relationship? Is there such a thing as an apology that’s made too quickly? The authors of a well-known book on marriage say “not so fast, there” when it comes to apologizing. They say, “Being too quick to apologize can be a way for you to shut down your spouse, who has been wronged. It can be a way to prevent him or her from explaining the painful effect of your behavior.”[1]

 

The person on the receiving end of a flippant apology may feel like responding, “You’re sorry? What is it that you’re sorry for?” Fully grasping and owning my wrong is called confession and that leads to what the Bible calls repentance.

 

One theologian said that genuine repentance isn’t “…a little hanging down of the head, but a working of the heart until the sin itself is more [hateful] …to you than the consequences.”[2] We’re usually defensive, so it may take some listening and thinking to grasp the wrong that we’ve done.

 

The Bible says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16a). Next time, take some time to listen, think and confess before blurting out a general, “I’m sorry.” “Real repentance,” the experts point out, “allows your heart to feel how the sin has grieved God and your spouse. And that always leads to some change.”[3]

 

[1] Smethurst, Matt, et al. “Tim and Kathy Keller on Dating, Marriage, Complementarianism, and Other Small Topics.” The Gospel Coalition, 24 Oct. 2019, https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/tim-kathy-keller-marriage/.

 

[2] Ibid.

 

[3] Ibid.