How to Succeed in Marriage
Speaker: Dr. Harold J. Sala | Series: Guidelines For Living | All men will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish. By standing firm you will gain life. Luke 21:17-19
Warren Bennis and Burt Nanus wrote a book entitled Leaders: The Strategies for Taking Charge. Published by Harper and Row this secular book describes different styles of leadership. In gleaning the material for this quite interesting book, the authors interviewed 90 of the world’s top chief executive officers of major corporations. The typical CEO was 56 years of age. Average salary: $400,000. Average number of years with the company was 22.5. And the average length of time a man had been CEO was 8.5 years. Most had college degrees. A fourth had degrees in business.
Among these top leaders were vast differences. Quote: “They were right‑brained and left‑brained, tall and short, fat and thin, articulate and inarticulate, assertive and retiring, dressed for success and dressed for failure, participative and autocratic. There were more variations than themes.” But there was one thing that these very successful men did have in common, and it came as a surprise to these two authors who are well known in the business world.
In their own words, “The only surprise worth mentioning is that almost all were married to their first spouse. And not only that: they were also indefatigably enthusiastic about marriage as a institution.” How about that?
Does that come as a surprise to you? It may, though it really shouldn’t when you think about the turmoil a person goes through in an unhappy marriage. To these top leaders marriage was an anchor, and the commitment that it had taken to rise to the top in the business world was the same commitment which made their marriages succeed.
People who succeed‑‑whether it be in business or in marriage‑‑are willing to pay a price for accomplishment in the currency of commitment, hard work, determination, and steadfastness. Accomplishment and position weren’t dropped in their laps because of the silver spoon which came from father, because many rose to success from humble backgrounds. They literally carved out their niche from the granite of life.
Whether it is business, sports, or marriage, there is often a fine line between success and mediocrity. In basketball success may hinge on the last shot from thirty feet away as the “ref” fills his lungs with air to blow the whistle ending the game. In business it may be that extra push which carries one higher and further than another. In marriage it is the commitment to stand by your mate no matter what happens. But are there any parallels between what makes for success in business and marriage?
In the ninety leaders which Bennis and Nanus interviewed, there were five qualities or skills which made the difference. They are: 1. The ability to accept people as they are, not as you would like them to be. 2. The capacity to approach relationships and problems in terms of the present rather than the past. 3. The ability to treat those who are close to you with the same courteous attention that you extend to strangers and casual acquaintances. 4. The ability to trust others, even if the risk seems great. 5. The ability to do without constant approval and recognition from others.
We have heard from thousands and thousands of people from more than 100 countries in the world. The letters that you send are my lifeline. They tell me you are listening and that you respond, but the bottom line is this: what it takes to succeed in the business world is what it takes to succeed in marriage.
Resource reading: Psalm 2.