Speaker: Dr. Harold J. Sala | Series: Guidelines For Living | So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12

In their book Leaders, Warren Bennis and Burt Nanus see five skills shared by 90 of the world’s most successful businessmen. Whatever these men don’t have in common, the authors noted with surprise that almost all of them are deeply committed to the institution of marriage and are still married to their first wife. But the question is, “Do the same factors that make them succeed in business also make them succeed at home?” You can decide for yourself.

Skill #1: The ability to accept people as they are, not as you would like them to be. In a way, this can be seen as the height of wisdom: to ‘enter the skin’ of someone else, to understand what other people are like on their terms, rather than judging them.” The authors didn’t say, “hard work,” “determination,” “whipping your team into shape,” rather, getting into the skin of another. Jesus put it, “Whatever you would that men should do unto you, even so do you to them” (Matthew 7:12). In marriage it means accepting your mate as he or she is instead of spending your time trying to whip the other person into line with your concept of what he or she ought to be. Some wives work so hard at making their husbands the man she would like to be married to, they don’t have time to be very good wives to their husbands, and vise versa.

Skill #2: The capacity to approach relationships and problems in terms of the present rather than the past. Certainly it is true that we can learn from past mistakes. But using the present as a takeoff point for trying to make fewer mistakes seemed to be more productive for our leaders‑‑and certainly was more psychologically sound than rehashing things that are over.   Love in marriage is a fairly recent concept. Romantic love is great! It is important, but forgiveness is as old as the institution of marriage itself. Forgiveness allows us to live in the present rather than nurse bitterness from the past. Vitally important in marriage, just as it is in business, is forgiveness.

Skill #3: The ability to treat those who are close to you with the same courteous attention that you extend to strangers and casual acquaintances. “The need for this skill,” say the authors, “is often most obvious‑‑and lacking‑‑in our relationships with our own families. But it is equally important at work. We tend to take for granted those to whom we are closest. Often we get so accustomed to seeing them and hearing from them that we lose our ability to listen to what they are really saying or to appreciate the quality‑‑good or bad‑‑of what they are doing.” Self explanatory. Strange, is it not, how we come home, close the door and say things to each other we would never think of saying to our colleagues on the job? Why? Does marriage give you license to hurt the ones you love?

Skill #4: The ability to trust others, even if the risk seems great. Trust is a vital ingredient of love. It means commitment. It involves risk, and when you have been hurt the tendency is to pull back, withdraw, hesitate. You can’t do it.

Skill #5: The ability to do without constant approval and recognition from others. Does that skill apply to marriage? I think it does. It doesn’t mean that we don’t need to communicate love. Rather it means we must have a deep confidence that we are secure in each other because initially we made a commitment to each other and that commitment endures. What makes for success in the business world makes for success in marriage, or, perhaps, it should be what makes for success in marriage, makes for success!

Resource reading: Colossians 3.