Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 1 John 4:18 NLT

Are you a people pleaser, or in a relationship with one?  They are nice, helpful people, scrambling to meet the needs of those they love in every way possible!

“Well, that sounds very godly,” you might think.   After all, doesn’t the Bible say, ‘Consider others better than yourselves?'” (Philippians 2:3)

But, there’s more here, say counselors, Milan and Kay Yerkovich. “In adult relationships,” they say, “the underlying motivation for being in the helping role and focusing on the needs of others is to reduce one’s own anxiety by keeping people close, content and satisfied. If others are upset, pleasers are distressed as well.”[1]

To the pleaser, Jesus says,” Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28 NIV). Because one day, the pleaser will hit the wall. “After pleasers spend a number of years of chronic worry and over giving, resentment often emerges, and resentment is a heavy burden to carry.”[2]

You can begin the process of laying down your burdens, even burdens for other people, a day (or an hour) at a time, in relationship with Him.  You can begin to learn that you are only responsible for yourself to God—you won’t die if your spouse, kids or friends fail, do the wrong thing or if they become angry with you!

Pleaser, God longs to help you live in His pleasure.

Resource reading:  1 John 4:13-18

 

[1] Yerkovich, Milan, and Kay Yerkovich, How We Love (Colorado Springs: Waterbrook Press, 2006), 72.

[2] Ibid.